If any of you are parents you know that your first insitinct is to make sure that your children are fed. I'm here to say that there's a big difference between your kids going hungry, and the eating patterns of 15 year old boys. Of course, they are at thier maximum caloric intake requirement they probably ever will be, but honestly, my food bill goes up about $200/month during the summer!
Aside from nutrional needs, the other primary concern we have over the summer is "safety", not physical safety, necessarily, but behavioral safety. I remember what I did when I was 15, left to my own devices over the summer. Not to incriminate myself, but it was definitely a summer of testing the boundaries. So, I jokingly say at the beginning of every week - "remember - no smoking, no drinking, no drugs, no sex, no stealing, no breaking any laws"... and honestly, my kids are great, but I know that they will eventually break one of these rules... they have to!
So, my job is to make it inconvenient for them to break the rules - make sure they can't say "they didn't know it was a rule" (Teen's favorite excuse). I'm pretty lax on the things that I assume they will do - watch too much TV, surf adult sites on the web (They are 15 after all), play games that are not mother tested and approved... They should be doing those things. They need to start making their own choices, and deal with the consequences.
Will I try to catch them? Probably not. Will I snoop a little if I start seeing behaviors that I think are borderline? Absolutely. Will I tear apart their backpacks and their nightstands, in a public demostration of their lack of privacy? No. Will I scan their email accounts for scary stuff? Probably. Will I lock down their computer (that they bought with their own funds)? No. Will I make sure they know that I can get onto the PC and look at their history? Yes.
I dont' call it snooping, I call it parenting. Just as I make sure they have something more than a slice of bread for their daily meal, I also make sure that behavioral safety net is in place - invisible, but still there.
To me, parenting teens is a just a dimensional shift from parenting preschoolers. As they are learning to ride a bike, you realize that you can't actually pedal for them, but you can tag behind them waiting to catch them if they fall. Teens - you realize can't tag behind them, tell them what choices to make, but you can let them know you are watching and that you will always be there to catch them when they fall.
My friend and I almost burned the neighbors house down over the summer in my teen years and that was only the beginning.
ReplyDeleteIt is a bit scary to think that your biggest job (giving themt he mental toosl to make right decisions) is quickly coming to an end but I think they'll be fine; they are smart kids
You are so right - time for teaching is over... now I just need to remind them of what they've learned, and model the behaviors myself... (parental downer = practicing what you preach!)
ReplyDeletePack in the learning lessons with your girls now, rocket... becasue once they have 11 or 12... watch out!