Re-opening Soon....

Yeah, so this year has been, ummmm.. one for the record books, or a really good basis for a Lifetime movie script.

Imagine the plot:

Ynnej - the main character fces several life altering challenges during the year and comes close to losing her mind!

What praytell does Ynnej face?

• One kid get's in deep doo doo for buying weed from a loser friend. Yennj calls loser's mom and tells her that her son is dealing dope.
• freshly met, bipolar step daughter moves in so she can graduate from high school and clean up
• Employer goes on the dole from the feds
• Said Employer informs Ynnej that her stint in the prison camp will end on July 23rd (I mean to say she got laid off)
• Aforementioned now clean and gradimated, but still bipolar step daughter moves out. leaving a swath of peace in her place
• kids get part time jobs at local grocery store. Ynnej turns into a taxi service
• Exhusband moves tempoarily to Texas for work, leaving a huge emotional hole for Ynnej's children to deal with
• The other kid gets his heart broken by a lovely girl...
• Ynnyej searches for work and heals from the cluster-mind-Fark that said employer caused
• Ynnej finds employment - consulting for a national retailer
• Ynnej's alcoholic husband finally hits bottom and checks into rehab...
• Ynnej now finds herself missing her husband during the holiday season and hoping that the pros at Hazelden can give him the help he needs.

So, rather than booooooring anyone that might read this with any of the details, I am just going to spare you all and get back to blogging... honestly, I am ready for this year to be over!

Vertical Zig Zag of modern life

Ups and Downs, Highs and lows, the daily changes to our life and moods that create the color in the tapestry. I for one, could never live in a beige world. I like the extreme of black and white, of purple and orange, of hot fuschia or the roses blooming right now in my garden, set against the dark green of the neighboring pine tree.

If it's true that I need bold color to thrive, it's just as true that I could never live in a dull world. I need action, movement, chaos and the unknown in my life to be happy. It's always been true, and will almost certainly be true. And no, I don't think I'm a shark... I don't have fins.

There seeems to be a fine line for me, however, when the peak of the zig and the trough of the zag are too far apart, and I travel too quickly between them, or worse, not quickly enough. In cases where it's not quick enough, I look for things to create some movement. On good days, it takes the shape of joining an organization, starting a new hobby, or organizing the laundry (wow... that last one is super lame). On bad days, it looks more like I'm seeking out trouble, picking a battle I should stay away from, or be a rabble rouser.

On days where it is going too fast, I have had to learn the symptoms: rapid pulse rate, complete disorganization of thoughts, drifiting from one task to another without ever finishing any of them. When I realize that I am moving too fast between stages. I literally stop myself. Sit down with pencil and paper and write down "stream of conciousness". Then, I read it, and understand what is most salient from the stream - and focus on that. Then I rip up the list, in case anyone ever found it - it would look like rantings of a mad woman.

Speaking of rantings of a mad woman... I sometimes use this blog to do my stream of conciousness writing when I am not stressed - thanks to all who follow the blog, and can in fact, follow the rantings....

How many steps in a mile....

I've been doing this math quite a bit lately, as I've decided to save my sanity (and maybe my soul and health) by walking over the lunch hour... The office building in which I work is located next to a lovely first ring suburb... lots of gardens, parks and stuff to look at during my walking!

My stride is about 30 inches per step (yes, I measured it)... So, if a mile is 5,280 feet, which equals 63,360 inches... then I guess for short little me, it's about 2,112 steps. Good thing I have a nifty pedometer to track my steps... I've actually tried to do this in my head, and well, let's just say I get distracted by things like cars, birds, green grass, pretty much anything.

Each day, I've been trying to put in at least 3,000 steps over lunch, some days reaching 5,000. I've found that the days that I need the most stress relief are the days that I put in more steps, I guess that means my body has discovered the therapeutic nature of the endorphins that are released in the process. Did you know that the chemical structure of endorphins is similar to Morphine and other opiates?

So, if you ever see me walking around the southern part of richfield, with a look of joy on my face, you'll know that I'm past 4,000 steps for the walk... a little happier, a little less stressed... and don't stop me - help me keep that wonderful feeling!

61 days...

Who knew that I would take a 61 day break from my funny little blog that has few followers???? I guess I knew my life was becoming more complicated, but in fact, I had no idea just how much free time I had that is, well, no longer free.

In case you hadn't gleaned it from my most recent entries... (Hell, I barely remember writing the last couple, it was so long ago!)... my life has changed dramatically over the last, ummmmm..... 6 months - all of it trending in the positive, well, it will eventually - it's just a long arc.

In case anyone is still looking for updates on this blog, and given the even smaller chance that anyone actually, errrr, is interested in what the hell happened to me to make me stop writing... here are the highlights!

1) My Mother in Law, Lila moved from her family home to a Senior apartment last fall. We thought this would be a good move for her, safer, better nutrition, etc. And it undoubtedly has been. What we didn't see is an even greater dependence on us for things like groceries, laundry, paying bills, running errands, fixing up the house... well, you know.

2) Work - so much has happened at the company that I work for, and so little. Bottom line is I am still employed. My former team of 4 is down to a team of me. My wonderful boss-lady left the company on her own free will (I'm sticking around for an inevitable severance package... god, I wish they'd hurry!), and now I do all of the work that the 4 people used to. And I sit by myself day after day. Good thing I have all that work to do; it would be very dangerous for me to manage myself! No one wants to make a decision, or if they do, it makes only "politic sense", and you all (if you all are out there still) know how I hate BS! So, work is busy, but not fulfilling, and well, kinda of an infinite loopy experience!

3) Family: First - My husband and I are better than ever. We enjoy each other's company, it should really be illegal to be this much in love! He's still employed, so we are a rare couple in the financial services world to be both employed! Second - The teen wonder twin boys are doing amazingly well right now. School is challenging them to a degree never before seen. The acronym "AP" (for advance placement) means something new to all of us. Actual studying. M&M are ahem, naturally bright, and usually put little effort into getting good grades (Well, that's not completely true - they just don't complain about their homework, instead, they just get it done quickly... no fuss no muss.) So now they are taking a college level Biology class and it is kicking their asses! YAY! I love seeing them flourish like that! Last but not least, and she really does get her own bullet point: Daughter 2. Some of you may know about My husband's daughter who lives in Chicago - we'll call her Daughter 1. She's in grad school, getting her masters in education, and is living the life of any given 24 year old young woman who loves Steam Punk and bashing bad writers and literature!

4) Daughter 2 (D2) is my husband's 18 year old daughter from a short relationship with a woman many years his junior back in the early 1990's (you can do the math). D2 came into our lives about 2 years ago, as an agreement had been made that since my husband and the mother did not have a lasting relationship, that D2 would not be part of my husband's life until such time as it made sense (I know, that's a weird way of putting it, but to protect the lives of the innocent, and well, I wasn't around, so I don't really know how it went), the bottom line is Husband did not actually meet D2 until August of 2008. Since then, D2 has moved from her parent's home, "lodged" with a young man she was engaged to, then "lodged" with a young man at his parents home, all out in what some might call "the boonies" or "the sticks". After realizing that life as an independent 18 year old was not as, um, easy, as she thought, she asked to "lodge" with us. I'm not sure why I'm using "lodging", it just makes sense... So, with an agreement that we would put in place the rules required for success for a high school senior (ok, she calls it house arrest), she took up lodging at our home on March 2nd.

Needless to say, that's where I've been spending my energies and time. I have learned so much about parenting in the short time she's been with us. I've mastered, downright gotten a PhD in the art of saying "NO". Screw the art, there's no art. She calls it being perma grounded, we call it keeping her on a short leash, we all are working for the greater good and getting D2 graduated from High school. We are cramming a lifetime of "FIRSTS" into a short period of time (First popsicle, first circus, first High School prom (sort of), first trip to the zoo)... and having her in our lives has changed the entire dynamics of the household... completely, Again, all for the good, even when we are saying no quite emphatically.

So, I will be back blogging here more frequently as we are counting down something like 13 school days for graduation. And we will be celebrating in a way most can't conceive of, when she crosses that stage. While I've only known D2 a few short months (I only met her last November)... I am better off for knowing her and having her in my life. I'm not one to care about Gray hairs, but I'd bet my barber (no, not my stylist), would say I have gotten more than usual since my last trip to see him... no worries, though, they are all worth it!

Spring a Ding Ding!

I love this time of year! From the cold grasp of winter emerge the joyous gems of spring time! Please allow me to introduce my 2010 garden by way of any early spring photo album...

These little crocuses (crocii?) are always the first to spring up on the warm south side of the house. I swear they were planted back in 1938 when the house was built!

Then, on the east side of the house - these little irises (irii?) popped out this weekend! I planted these about 8 years ago and they are still one of my favorites.


These jonquils (Daffodils) are also on the south side of the house, and they just might bloom before we get another frost. Since last frost is May 15th- they got to hurry up and get the blooming over with!

Snow Drops are the first to bloom in the North Side garden - it faces south, but it doesn't quite get as warm as the gardens next to the house

Wait a minute, that's no flower! You are correct! That is Luna, the wildly (thankfully) unsuccessful squirrel hunter and princess of summer. She goes by Luna Toon, Luna Fish Casserole, Lunar Lander, and Lunified Field Theory. Well, she doesn't answer to much of anything unless it's followed by "Wanna biscuit?"

And then there is Phoebe - posing here after (again thankfully) failing at catching the large rabbit we have living in our yard. Doesn't she look all spotted and alert? Given that she's celebrating her 12th birthday this June, I'm pretty happy to see her hunting so deftly. And, she has many names too, like Phoebles weeble, Phoebula, and of course, the one we use since she is now mostly deaf : "Hey pain in the ass dog, come inside, it's too cold for me to stand outside in my slippers!"

And last, but not least, the site of future miracles and wonderment. My 20X20 veggie garden that is about to come out of it's dormant state. We will soon have copious amounts of volunteer regular and garlic chives, growing anywhere the billions of seeds fell, not to mention the oregano and mint that I couldn't kill if I wanted to. This year, "Fpot" the bunny (Say it out loud to get the full effect), once again, gnawed the clematis stems down the nubs, and took care of all the extraneous Heritage raspberry canes. Thanks a lot Fpot - now I only get one stupid crop of berries - poo on you! As I've said before, this will quite literally turn into a hot mess by August 15th, so full of green you'd think you were in a jungle in the amazon. But for now, it's just fine, waiting for the planting ceremonies to begin!

It's a zoo in here - what?

My husband, my stepdaughter and I went to Ikea on Saturday with the goal of getting some things for her room that would help her get organized for homework, make the space her own, etc.. We knew that the economy was recovering because Hiway 77 was backed up for cars to flow into the "Squallor of America" ramps... it looked better going into Ikea as we found a reasonably close parking spot. They all must have carpooled.

We walked into the doors of Ikea and it seemed like a normal amount of customer traffic... took the escalator up and WHAM... it was like a suburban, stroller pushing, multigeneration family convention! People everywhere, wandering around, loosing each other and their kids, trying to figure out how this doo-dad worked, or if that foldy couchy thing would fit in the spare room.

We ventured in, since you can't find your way out without going through the whole dang store now.... and persevered. At some point early on, somebody in my party (maybe it was me?) said "it's like a zoo in here!".

Really, a zoo? Where the animals are in cages to protect them from the visitors, in nice, orderly groupings, with beautiful habitats to keep everyone calm. Yes, every once in a while the visitors cram into the zoo, so it's busy, but there is a general traffic pattern so that things keep moving.

Ikea felt less like a zoo and more like a free for all after a natural disaster... I've decided to eliminate the metaphor (or is a simile) from my vocabulary - it's just not fair to professional zoo managers and their inhabitants. Next time I go to a chaotic, packed with people event of some kind, I will now say "it's like a Saturday afternoon in Ikea here"... much more accurate.

All the work and none of the benefits

It's a deal I can't refuse...quite literally. Aside from all the crazy stuff going on at home (My 18 year old step daughter has now moved in and is settling in quite nicely - new school tomorrow, so that will be when the real fun starts!), my boss told me the other day she's leaving the company. CRAP.

She's also recommended me for the job. Awesome - thanks for the vote of confidence, Boss!

Turns out, I don't get the "job" being defined as title, power or salary, but I do get the work. So in other words, I'm now doing 3-4 people's work. CRAP

The alternative is having no job. CRAP.

So, in a world of people who aren't able to find employment, I am sorry to even gripe a bit... but those of us who are over-employed are churning our way towards a fragile mental state. Very soon, we'll all be recouping in sanatoriums, and all those friends of mine who are under or unemployed -they can have my gig. I'll be happy to trade my putty colored cube walls for a padded walls for a bit.

Bitching session complete. Thank you for bearing with me.

Living the Dream: the Sandwich Generation

It's not that I'm on a low carb diet, I just, for a minute, maybe would like to go without one of the crusts on my sandwich - for like, I don't know, a full week.


If you're over 40 and have kids, you know what I'm talking about. Addressing the needs of your aging parents, and your maturing children at the same time. Right now, as both my husband and I are in the financial services sector and managing to keep our jobs) our lives are like a crazy chicken salad in the middle - with my elderly (89 years old) Mother in Law as one of the crusts... and a whacky blended group of progeny, ranging in ages from 15 to 24 as the other.


About 8 years ago, I had a brief encounter with this reality when my fairly young (73 years old) mother went from healthy as a horse to very sick and died shortly after her diagnosis. It was 10 weeks total of going from complete independence to doing her shopping, then laundry, then housework, then making health care decisions with her, then for her, and then, well, managing her estate. With my kids being 7 years old at the time, and one of the daughters living in Chicago, they all were very forgiving and tolerant of my attention to her needs. And, my husband did a fabulous job of filling in the gaps.


Our current reality is that we recently helped Lila, my Mother in Law move from the family home of 40+years to a senior's apartment. She is very healthy, and we were happy to get her into a safe environment while she could enjoy the facility and the extra social activities the facility offers. Part of the move was not just furniture, but moving all of her utilities, banking, insurance, you know... the bills! Even before this, we did all of her grocery shopping, ran her errands, sometimes with her, and sometimes without her. Now, we have established a fairly routine pattern of how we provide this support. And now, she needs more. She wants us to manage more of her business affairs, as she doesn't understand all the mail she gets. She's still feeling isolated, and wants to "get out more". Her house needs to be updated, cleaned up and sold. I love Lila dearly, and I know that in addition to all we are doing for her now, she's looking for another 4 or 5 hours a week with us, minimum.


The other crust is a wonderful weave of our (Scott and my) children - My 15 year old twin boys who split their time between their dad's and my house, Scott's 24 year old daughter who is a grad student and lives at her mom's home Chicago, and Scott's 18 year old daughter who lives independently in a small town about an hour west of us. They all need different things from us as parents. Not too many years ago, it centered around broken bones and scraped knees, struggles with homework and relationships with teachers. Now, as they all make the transition to adults, they need more emotional support.


Not as easy as a shot of neosporin and a bandaid! As they start making decisions that heavily impact their later lives, we do our best to provide the right level of support - enough so that they know we are there, not so much that we stop them from learning about the choices they make, It's a fine balance, and each one has their own "flavor of support".


So we spend our days making a living, and supporting our extended family members and working to keep our relationship (marriage) alive. I now understand the lifestyle so well utilized by our ancestors - having family members live with or close by for a long time. It doesn't fit today's world, and trust me, I don't think we could handle everyone under the same roof!


I love all of the members of our not-so-extended family and treasure the time we have with them. It won't last forever.... so I guess I get both crusts for a while. Next time I'm at a sandwich shop I'll just order chicken salad on a lettuce leaf... and smile.

Garden Dreaming: Veg-Out 2010

Don't bother looking it up - Veg-Out 2010 only exists in my mind, and well, now this little blog post. Veg-Out 2010 is what happens when I'll be in a meeting, or on a conference call and look out the window to the many inches of snow, and my mind starts to wander to warmer times full of tomatoes, raspberries, Green beans and cucumbers.

About this time every year, I look at the little garden in the back yard, all covered in snow, and start considering what to grow during our itsy-bitsy growing season. I typically plant seedlings on Memorial Day ( call it June 1st) and the last harvest is somewhere in mid-September (because even though there may still be stuff waiting to be picked, the cool fall nights turn the tomatoes less than sweet and the basil gets a little wonky).

That means I have 90 days at the most to plant, carefully feed and water, tie up, trim up and dotingly watch the literal fruits of my labor make their way into my kitchen. That is, unless it's little food like raspberries, or grape tomatoes, or something else that may get popped in the mouth of the picker... the true joy of growing your own hangs in that very moment - that one second time frame from stem to palette.

see - you witnessed Veg-Out right there - I get very distracted when talking about my kitchen garden this time of year!

So, what to plant? Do I try new kinds of tomatoes, spend $5 on a plant that might not work? Do I send away now for heirloom seeds for lettuce that the bunnies will most likely get? There is a tricky balance between novelty and productivity in my garden that pushes me to the same crops every year. I won't plant things like corn, watermelon or even pumpkins because produce/square foot ratio is not high enough. Not when I can buy 12 ears of really awesome sweetcorn at the height of the season for $2.00. I'd use my whole garden to get that many ears!

So - any of you who garden, challenge me to do something different. If you want to know what I typically grow, visit my post from last year!

Democracy in action at caucus night - checklists and worksheets

I confess, I pretend to be a politico. People think I'm an activist, when that's not what I am, I'm an organizer. Not of people, but of processes and paper.

In preparation for Caucus 2010 (Held last night), I spent a good number of hours walking through the administrative process necessary to support all the activists. I developed checklists to make sure we weren't missing anything or anybody. Worksheets were created to gather data about delegates, alternates, precinct chairs and cochairs. I tabulated votes for the straw ballot for the govenor's race. I developed a system to ensure the tabulation was accurate.

I walked in with a plastic box full of paper, which I distributed to all 30 precinct caucus rooms. At the end of the night we walked out with those same papers, just a little heavier with the addition of some ink. Volunteers will assemble to do data entry.

It's not glorious -I'm no Norma Rae. It's work that must be done so that the best of political action process can take the spotlight. I've had the breath of a campaign staffer on my neck when the votes are being counted. I've taken the call from the state party when our delegates aren't ID'd within the Vote Tracker. Without this administrative support, the system would fall apart. Or would it?

Maybe I could have picked the rabble-rouser path. But I doubt it. Like mother nature, I move things from chaos to order, from high pressure to even keeled.

So, I'll be happy being a bureaucrat. Creating documents that people hate completing... but I know that someone needs that information more quickly then the time it takes to interpret caucus minutes that were scribbled on the back of a well used grocery list.

In doubt? Just think Katherine Harris in Florida in 2000, Coleman V. Franken, hanging chads and absentee ballot envelopes. The process must work for democracy to work.

Ummm, I think I'm just going to sit down for a second. And why I love my husband very much.

Fade to black. the next thing I heard was: Jenny - can you hear me, Jenny are you OK?

Yep - I suffered a Vasovagal episode yesterday - I fainted.

The great news - I was already at the doctors office.

I thought I was over my whole issue with needles many years ago - well, I guess mind over matter doesn't really work. My husband and I went in finally to get our H1N1 shots, and since I hadn't gotten my seasonal flu shot yet (ok, it was the first time I ever have), I decded to go with a two banger, one in each arm.

Honestly, I really wasn't stressed out about it. We were talking, laughing, getting our shots, then we stood up to leave and I felt that "oogie" sensation - light headed, need oxygen, need to get out of the doctors office feeling. I tried the good old swedish stubborn idea that I could think my way out of it. Got as far as the elevator bank when I saw a wheelchair and it was clear it was placed there for me to take a seat - I told my husband that he should let the elevator go...

Next thing I knew, I was coming to, there was a crowd around me of nurses, a few doctors, and my husband looking extremely worried (isn't he a sweetheart!)

There was pulse taking, eye checking, temeperature checking... then I went and "relaxed" in one of the exam rooms... and on the way I puked. Nice. By the way - they have these cooool pewking bags now.

Much better than those pink trays that you actually have to aim into. Must stock up on a few of these for home stomach flu use, better than having someone hover over a bowl - and the clean up is a snap!

So we hung out there for a while, and after about an hour, we decided my "episode" was over and I could go home. I'm proud to say I made it home to the couch without further incident!

When we got home, my husband gave me the play by play of what happened when I was out. It scared the crap out of him. Completely drained of color, eyes wide open but unconcious, labored breathing, and my body went stiff. No wonder it scared him. Could have been a seizure. He called out for help as soon as he figured out I wasn't ignoring him, and he sprang into action, taking care of me. Waited on me hand and foot, wouldn't let me leave the couch, and spent the night with a wqatchful eye over me. What a sweetheart.

So, the lesson is - if you are going to pass out like that - it's good to do it in a place with medical

professionals, handy equipment and a safe space to lie down in. And, marry someone who will call out for help when you need it.

Can you tell where I was recently?

Flap Flap Flap
go the gums of the rhetorists
The usual suspects
say the usual thing

Those who are always silent
keep on keeping their own counsel
their lips sealed
their arms crossed

Talk Talk Talk
the same old tale
meant to inspire
but to me it just tires

A special day
A special place
nothing will change
my optmisim fails

The flap flap flap
fades away in the din of the jet
as I return to the real special day
the real special place

Home again
Home again
Home again
Home

I guess I was too busy cooking to post anything at all

Seriously, the last half of December was spent buying groceries, turning groceries into cookies, bars, meals, snacks and other edibles for our extended family during the holidays.

Oh, and then there was the gifting process... purchase, wrap, stash, un stash, unwrap, and then enjoy.

Bottom line is that everyone in my family left the 2009 holiday season:

• Well fed - to the tune of going through maybe 6 dozen eggs, 4 pounds of bacon/sausage/ham , 3 gallons of milk, I don't want to count how many sticks/pounds of butter, lots of fruits and veggies, and countless bread products (bagels, english muffins, cinnamon bread, etc)... and that was just between 12/23 and 12/26!
• Possessing new and useful items that they received as gifts (really, no loser gifts were given or received thsi year)
• Full of good cheer - this was great holiday for our family - both immediate and extended and everything in between!
• Capable of driving a car - My 15 year old twin boys got their drivers permits over the holiday.... one driving lesson in for each before the big snow/ice/snow storm hit... still need to get them behind the wheel for lesson #2! And I will, as soon as some of this nasty ice vanishes from our rodas - so I'm thinking maybe March?

I'll post about 2009 overall next, but I'd decalre the 2009 Holiday season at our house a Smashing Success!