Ummm, I think I'm just going to sit down for a second. And why I love my husband very much.

Fade to black. the next thing I heard was: Jenny - can you hear me, Jenny are you OK?

Yep - I suffered a Vasovagal episode yesterday - I fainted.

The great news - I was already at the doctors office.

I thought I was over my whole issue with needles many years ago - well, I guess mind over matter doesn't really work. My husband and I went in finally to get our H1N1 shots, and since I hadn't gotten my seasonal flu shot yet (ok, it was the first time I ever have), I decded to go with a two banger, one in each arm.

Honestly, I really wasn't stressed out about it. We were talking, laughing, getting our shots, then we stood up to leave and I felt that "oogie" sensation - light headed, need oxygen, need to get out of the doctors office feeling. I tried the good old swedish stubborn idea that I could think my way out of it. Got as far as the elevator bank when I saw a wheelchair and it was clear it was placed there for me to take a seat - I told my husband that he should let the elevator go...

Next thing I knew, I was coming to, there was a crowd around me of nurses, a few doctors, and my husband looking extremely worried (isn't he a sweetheart!)

There was pulse taking, eye checking, temeperature checking... then I went and "relaxed" in one of the exam rooms... and on the way I puked. Nice. By the way - they have these cooool pewking bags now.

Much better than those pink trays that you actually have to aim into. Must stock up on a few of these for home stomach flu use, better than having someone hover over a bowl - and the clean up is a snap!

So we hung out there for a while, and after about an hour, we decided my "episode" was over and I could go home. I'm proud to say I made it home to the couch without further incident!

When we got home, my husband gave me the play by play of what happened when I was out. It scared the crap out of him. Completely drained of color, eyes wide open but unconcious, labored breathing, and my body went stiff. No wonder it scared him. Could have been a seizure. He called out for help as soon as he figured out I wasn't ignoring him, and he sprang into action, taking care of me. Waited on me hand and foot, wouldn't let me leave the couch, and spent the night with a wqatchful eye over me. What a sweetheart.

So, the lesson is - if you are going to pass out like that - it's good to do it in a place with medical

professionals, handy equipment and a safe space to lie down in. And, marry someone who will call out for help when you need it.

Can you tell where I was recently?

Flap Flap Flap
go the gums of the rhetorists
The usual suspects
say the usual thing

Those who are always silent
keep on keeping their own counsel
their lips sealed
their arms crossed

Talk Talk Talk
the same old tale
meant to inspire
but to me it just tires

A special day
A special place
nothing will change
my optmisim fails

The flap flap flap
fades away in the din of the jet
as I return to the real special day
the real special place

Home again
Home again
Home again
Home

I guess I was too busy cooking to post anything at all

Seriously, the last half of December was spent buying groceries, turning groceries into cookies, bars, meals, snacks and other edibles for our extended family during the holidays.

Oh, and then there was the gifting process... purchase, wrap, stash, un stash, unwrap, and then enjoy.

Bottom line is that everyone in my family left the 2009 holiday season:

• Well fed - to the tune of going through maybe 6 dozen eggs, 4 pounds of bacon/sausage/ham , 3 gallons of milk, I don't want to count how many sticks/pounds of butter, lots of fruits and veggies, and countless bread products (bagels, english muffins, cinnamon bread, etc)... and that was just between 12/23 and 12/26!
• Possessing new and useful items that they received as gifts (really, no loser gifts were given or received thsi year)
• Full of good cheer - this was great holiday for our family - both immediate and extended and everything in between!
• Capable of driving a car - My 15 year old twin boys got their drivers permits over the holiday.... one driving lesson in for each before the big snow/ice/snow storm hit... still need to get them behind the wheel for lesson #2! And I will, as soon as some of this nasty ice vanishes from our rodas - so I'm thinking maybe March?

I'll post about 2009 overall next, but I'd decalre the 2009 Holiday season at our house a Smashing Success!

Get your oven mitts on - It's holiday cookie baking time!

I enjoy the winter holiday season very much, and now that we actually have snow (and sadly subzero temps), my family has been getting in the mood now for more than a few weeks! One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is that I am totally justified spending hours and hours in my wonderful kitchen stocked with high qaulity bakeware and a full baker's pantry.

Equally important to my friends and family gift list is my holiday baking list. Timing is everything, in understanding what you can freeze, what travels well and what needs to be made right before gobbling up by families.... So, in an effort to get ahead, I made one of the easist and popular cookies on the list.... Peanut Butter Kiss cookies... behold the wonderous rack O'Fat and goodness:

Other candidates for this year's treat platter:

• Iced Sugar Cookies
• Decorated Gingerbread Cookies
• Toffee
• Spritz
• Pumpkin Bars with cream cheese frosting
• Cherry Bars
• Haystacks
• Pistacio Biscotti
• Thumbprint cookies
• Macaroons

I think I'm missing a few... any suggestions? What are your favorites?

The need for healthcare reform - in person

I'm a pretty healthy person for my ripe old age of 43. Now, that's not to say I lead a healthy lifestyle, the remnants of a grilled cheese sandwich and fries that I just devoured for lunch are a testimony to it. What I really mean is that my lifestyle has not manifested in a way that requires medical attention... yet.

So, I go in for my annual physical and requisite mammogram (Screw the recent panel recommendations, I like my breasts too much to ignore them) every year, and once in a while, I go into urgent care because I slice my hand open doing a volunteer project. In other words, I'm paying a lot for my little routine exam, but that's OK, I believe in everybody doing their share for the common good.

Alas, aside from whipping out my checkbook yesterday, I couldn't really do my share. I was sitting in the packed waiting area chair, looking forward to the the annual boob squishing and visit by the cold speculum, and in the twenty minutes I waited, two separate families walked away without seeing a doctor because they didn't have insurance and couldn't afford it.

These were clearly people caught in the middle - unemployed, couldn't afford COBRA or private insurance, and didn't have the cash resources to pay for a visit. So they left without treatment.

I am horrified for the parents who can't offer relief to their sick children. One little boy was howling, holding his ear... the other was a teenage boy who was coughing up a lung. I was very saddened, and felt bad for the clinic administrators who had to refuse them, the parents, and the kids.

We need something to change and we need it now. We should put politics aside and leave stupid wedge issues out of the discussion. True patriots would see the country slowing sinking to it's needs because of health care. Our nation's position as a world leader in industry, democracy and technology has been jeopardized by the deficit hawks who aren't interested in paying for the foundation our citizenship depends on - our health.

There's star in the tree

Seriously, about a year ago, my husband and I were being lazy and hanging out in bed one winter saturday morning. We were talking, just staring out the window and he noticed that a conflagration of branches in the maple tree outside of our window formed a perfect star... like the one you drew as a kid. You can only see it if you are lying on the bed at the perfect angle. 1 foot either way, and you couldn't catch it.

We watched it through the window the rest of the winter, and when spring came, and the tree leafed out, we said goodbye to the star. Then when fall finally came, we got into position and looked for the star. We didn't know if the tree had outgrown it, or if it was lost in the cities tree trimming activity.

It took a few minutes, but we finally found it - the star shape completely intact and unchanged. I honestly feel like I would have shed a tear if it had been demolished.

It reminded me of when I was a kid and I'd take a bath in the tub in the bathroom next to my mom and dad's room. There was just a bit of paint peeling from the wall at the very top. It looked like a face. When my mom passed away and we sold the house, the bathroom was painted and the face was gone. I was sad then too....

Why is it that unique things created by nature or circumstance are more precious than man made things?

Life after Nano

One last post on my Nano experience - I promise, I'll be done obsessing about this after this post... for the last two days I have been experiencing withdrawal like symptoms, a mild depression, if you will. I guess it's a pretty common phenomenon amongst nano-er's marathon runners and the like (I didn't really just put myself in the same company as marathon runners did I? I didn't mean to!) .

As posted previously, I crossed the 50K line at about 10:45 PM, all alone, the house was full of sleeping children, dogs and husband. And although I really did want to do a loud victory lap, I instead just emailed my document to myself, validated my word count, shut down my computer and turned on Criminal Minds. No Champagne toast, no pats on the back, no post implementation happy hour.... Nope, I guess that is the life of someone who pukes out words on a piece of paper or a screen. Solitary. Alone with your own crappiness or awesomeness, take your pick. I told my kids the next morning, they were happy for me...my husband took me out for a celebratory cocktail the next night, and so it feels a little more like a win. But it won't be a good win until I finish. On Vacation, in December.

I did learn some things about myself in the process, though:

1) Quantity was not a problem for me. I hit the 50K with only a few days where I had to put myself in solitary. I suspect that the quality of my writing is at a C+... I'll let you know. Otherwise, I proved that given enough dedication, I could write a complete 162 pages without issue. I'm kind of proud of that fact!

2) The creative lion (what some people call their muse) I used to have inside of me (Whom I loved to tame on a regular basis) was just in a self induced Coma. She woke up when I started the project, and I hope that she won't go back into the coma now that I know she's still there. I surprised myself at how far out ideas just came up. I do still have the ability I thought I lost.

3) I have many pet phrases that I use when I write, and they are wrong! For example: "Oh, she's an idiot" Gene thought to herself. Since when do people think to someone other than themselves/ IS think even a transitive verb. Ack!

4) I like writing about food. How it looks, tastes, smells, all of it. I may explore this avenue further in next year's project.

5) it didn't matter that I dropped my typing class in high school in exchange for a more useful elective (Advanced Humanities)... I type mighty fine, thank you Mrs. Anderson (My teacher).

6) I really can't have any noise in the background to write. It must be utter silence, or just white noise. No TV, Music, conversations. I'm a real loner. That's my Myers Briggs "I" coming out.

7) A blank page really doesn't scare me. Just start, and it comes.

8) I am very motivated by progress against a goal. I've said for years that I'm not, but I was wrong. If you can graph it on a bar chart it makes me move. I need to remember that.

9) I really do enjoy creative writing. I'm a business writer most of my days, but I do like the idea of fabricating a reality and putting it on a piece of paper.... wait a minute, maybe those are the same things!

10) No one was surprised that I finished. Not my children, my husband or my friends. When I've told them I've finished the challenge, they've all said. "Of course you did." I guess it's been a long time since I've seen myself as finishing something that I'm proud of....

That last one, by the way, is the reason I started the project. I needed to know if I still had it in me to succeed, with no one but myself to blame. As many obstacles as we face in the day to day reality of the job, or family pressures, it doesn't mean they completely block your success. Take a lesson from a river - if you find your way is blocked, create a new way to get through.