Why do people try to save my soul? Part II

In Part One of this post, I talked about how I was raised in a non-believing family. This part is the real question: Why, when I try to explain to people why I (don’t) believe the way I do, they insist on trying to talk me out of it under the auspices of saving my soul?

The first time it happened, my former father in law (F-I-L) (husband #2) learned that I did not attend church, and according to him, I was “Prohibiting his son from attending”. Hah! His son (my boyfriend at the time), certainly didn’t need my permission to attend church… he made his own decisions. In trying to explain this to the F-I-L, he told me that he was only making it his business, because he wanted to see me in heaven. I think I said “thanks, but I don’t believe in heaven, so I’m happy the way I am”. He couldn’t understand it. It was like I was speaking a foreign language. I understand personal conviction, everyone’s entitled to their own faith and belief, but in my opinion, it stops with the individual. The more I explained, the more desperate he became. He branched off into worrying about his son, his future grandchildren, and again, his concern for my soul. I literally told him that my soul felt fine, thank you for the concern. Needless to say, he took that as being flip… and eventually convinced himself that I was the anti-christ. I’m not being sarcastic – he told me to my face. All I could do was tell him that I was sorry that he felt that way, but I was not going to change for him. The good news is that while that marriage did end, my (now ex) husband and I created children, and have no issues raising them as “critical thinkers” rather than “faith bound believers”.

While there have been other encounters with the faithful about the status of my soul, I learned to steer clear of the conversations with them that would lead to the revelation that I was “going to hell”. There was an interaction that sticks out the most, one with a co-worker. I had developed good working relationship with a project manager, and had found some common ground on a personal note – he was very quick witted, sarcastic like me. At some point, we went to lunch, and started chatting about various things – non-project related. He asked me if I was interested in joining a bible study group with other co-workers. I said “no thank you”. He asked a few more probing questions, and I finally told him my point of view. He leaned back and asked me “how it was possible that you turned out to be an apparently moral person, without the benefit of the lessons typically learned from the bible.” I countered that my parents taught me to respect others, and that I knew right from wrong by their example – that the bible is not the only way of skinning the moral education cat. He was shocked by my response that I really didn’t believe in anything – asked me all the usual questions… “How did we get here, what is the meaning of life, don’t you want to go to heaven, aren’t you afraid of hell, didn’t I know that is was damning my lovely children as well? “

After listening to my responses, he told me that he would pray for me and that I would see the light eventually. He said that he was worried about my soul – and that he cared enough about me to ask his congregation to consider me in their prayers. I said – thanks, but no thanks, my soul feels fine. Luckily, we left the conversation at Davanni’s and did not mention it again – our working relationship remained intact.

So the real question is: why do people feel the need, in fact the right, to intrude on my belief system under the auspices of “saving my soul?”. Over the years, in order to fit into society better, I have become desensitized to reactions when people learn of my beliefs. I keep quiet about celebrating Solstice rather than Christmas, when conversation turns to what church I belong to, I change the topic quickly. I understand that spreading the gospel is part of the christian dogma, but I believe that has more to do with the church coffers than anything else. Why is it that I chose to stay out of people’s business, when they feel just and virtuous getting into mine?